Turns out I’m an ancient relic…and I’m only 24.

Read this insightful article from Bethan Jeffs, our Oasis UK engagement officer, about what she’s discovered since joining our Oasis 360 mentoring programme last year.

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Last year, I signed up to be an Oasis 360 mentor. Every Monday I’ve been meeting one- to-one with my mentee, Sandra1.  

I’m 24. At the start of my mentoring, I thought: ‘ah great, we’re not so far apart in age. My eldest brother’s almost 10 years older than me so we could actually just be siblings really. Me being in my 20s, she might even share things with me.’

The first thing that hit me is that to a 14-year-old, I am an ancient relic. 

For the first few weeks, Sandra told me nothing. She wanted to know why she had been referred to mentoring, what teachers thought of her, what I knew. She was very guarded and rightly so, because we didn’t know each other.

I made the decision to tell her everything I already knew about her, which was not too much, and saw her relax.

Then over the weeks she slowly started telling me things. Every time she opened up felt like a win.

And hearing her talk about her life, friends, and school, I realised something. She has a point. I really am an ancient relic. Because you forget so quickly what it’s like to be 14.

Even if your school is putting in place amazing initiatives, gives students free breakfasts, and provides families with financial support, when you’re at an age where all you want is independence, school feels controlling and rigid. You still have to go there every day. You have to do lessons. You have to behave in a certain way.  

And when you’re struggling with lessons and rated against your peers, constantly getting low grades, at an age where you’re already a bit insecure, it’s not surprising that you might feel ‘stupid’, and eventually stop trying.  

Mentoring has made me think a lot about how important it is to have something outside of school, where you are in control. Where you have a sense of agency and dignity. 

For me growing up, that was music lessons. I’m one of three children, and my mum tried hard to spend time with each of us and invest as much as she could afford in our interests and hobbies. She paid every week for my guitar lessons. She listened to me practice, and she sat in my exams with me.

For someone else, that thing could be mentoring. Someone who is there with a £20 budget each week, who gives you the choice of where and how to spend the time and money, who carves out a space each week where you get to be the one making the choices.

Having said all that about control, I have bartered with my mentee to agree to do 10 minutes of maths per month with me (and that was haggled down from 30 minutes a week, but I’ll take it.) I’m dreading looking at triangles and fractions again.

Overall, for me, one of the most unexpected (and best) things about being a mentor is being able to let someone else’s experience change the way you reflect on your own, and make you think in a way you haven’t before.